How to Break a Game

A while ago I found a little game called Clive Barker's Jericho. At first it seemed to be pretty cool. It starts out with an amazing intro, and it goes downhill from there. I start out in a plane with my teammates and I am given a briefing. We than get out of the plane and in to some desert. After that,there's a small tutorial, which is pretty helpful and not at all jarring, since it introduces a few things we might need to know. Once that's done, I follow my team into some ruins, and promptly fall down a hole. I'm instructed to hit the right movement key. I think "Shit, not one of these again". It's a timed-press sequence. I grab on to the right ledge, than the left one, than the right one above the first one. After that, I grab on to my teammate's hand. I fall. I start the sequence over. I must have tried this fifty times, and I didn't get right once. That is not part of a good game. It isn't fun, it isn't challenging, all it does is piss me off.

Why do people insist on puttting these kinds of things in games? Jericho seemed like a great game, but it all went to Hell as soon as that sequence started, and prevented me from playing an otherwise good game. Here's a general rule of thumb; if it isn't fun, don't put it in the game. I'm not specifically talking about the timed-button-press stuff, though. God of War proved that it can be done right. For example, there's a minigame in Super Mario Galaxy where you have to destroy some trash with bob-ombs. The trouble is that you have a time limit of thirty seconds to destroy the trash, and bob-ombs take five seconds to explode. Not to mention that it takes a bit to aim and fire the things. All in all, it ain't fun.

As I said earlier, if it isn't fun, don't put it in the game. Fortunately in SMG's case the minigame was optional, and therefore avoidable. I hope someone takes note of this, and that we'll never have to see another of those damn minigames again.

Big Rigs review

Maybe you've heard of the game. X-Play featured it in their "Games You Should Never Buy" segment, and GameSpot also, did a piece on the game. Take almost any review of Big Rigs on the web, and you will find that the reviewer would like to meet the president of Steller Stone, cut off his limb, open up his chest, take out his intestines, and hang him up by his own entrails. I however, consider it one of the most entertaining games in history. At first, the game just seems buggy, however you soon realize that this game is not even beta quality- this game is pre-alpha quality.You can drive up sheer cliffs, go through all buildings (and bridges), go outside the map, and go 3000 mph backwards. In short, don't play this like a game, play it like a sandbox. Just fool around. I assure you, it is fucking hilarious.

~Joel